The 12 Week Secret

Finding out the most amazing, life changing news of your life is SO incredibly hard to keep a secret. It actually amazed me how much stigma there was about announcing a pregnancy before reaching 12 weeks. I completely understand that a lot of women don't want to tell the world just in case something happens, the prospect of having the announce to everyone the devastating news could be overwhelming.

 

However in my case, I felt like I was lying to my friends and work colleagues. I hated being asked about when were going to have a baby and say I wasn't sure, I really honestly felt like I was betraying the little miracle I was harbouring within. People live in fear that telling people prior to 12 weeks will somehow jinx the pregnancy.

 

I remember when I was at boot camp when I first found out - I was about 6 weeks along - I told my trainer and during the sessions someone overheard him telling me to do a different exercise because of the baby, the lady came up to me after the session and asked if I was pregnant, I said yes! It was the first time I had been directly asked and man it felt good! A few other girls were standing around and hugged/congratulated me, the lady then turned around and told me to be careful and not tell anyone. She told me it was far to early to be telling people I was pregnant. I was really taken aback by this comment. Was my baby's life worth nothing? Was it not real? Yes it was only the size of a lentil, yes it looked like a tiny little alien (Thanks Baby Centre). But it was my tiny alien lentil in my tummy that I was already talking to and making a million promises to. She then proceeded to say "What if something happens to it?" I just turned around told her that if something did happen then I wouldn't feel alone if people knew. I can appreciate her concern but the decision on when to announce the pregnancy is completely up to the parents. You shouldn't feel shamed to announce your beautiful news.

 

Early miscarriage is very common in Australia, it's said that 1 in 5 women will miscarry before 14 weeks gestation. So that means 20% of all women who have been pregnant have at some stage lost a baby, that's a lot of people harbouring a secret. Sometimes for some people, having people knowing what you're going through is a way to have a support system around you.

 

Other reasons why sharing pregnancy would be easier:

 

1) During the morning sickness stages, not having to hide your symptoms or being worried about calling sick to work or not performing at your usual level

 

2) Having to avoid all alcoholic events! I was 8 weeks pregnant on my birthday - try explaining the lack of alcohol consumption on a party you organised without raising suspicion!

 

3) Being able to ask for help when you need to lift heavy items or people, or taking a break when you need it. Being a nurse heavy lifting is part of my daily job and I often felt like a princess when I was asking for help or needing to take a break.

 

4) Not having to lie to everyone around you

 

So my advice? Just be mindful about how you react to someone breaking the news to you, especially in the early days. Every mother knows there is a chance they may not meet their baby - even right up until the end. Let us enjoy the news we are breaking!

 

And for those wondering - I kept my secret from most people. I told my closest friends and a few work colleagues, then had to go into hiding for about 6 weeks because I knew there was NO WAY I was going to be able to keep my mouth closed. Next pregnancy I think I'll tell people earlier, so long as my boyfriend (hopefully will be my husband by the next baby - wink wink babe!) is comfortable with it too.

Am I Pregnant?

I've always loved hearing stories from my friends, colleagues or any other mothers about when they found out they were pregnant. Some mothers tell me that they just knew, some had no idea! It's amazing how different and exciting our stories are! I still am coming to terms with the fact that I now have my own story about this amazing discovery, and the crazy thing, I never thought I'd be sharing this moment with my mother rather than my boyfriend! But it's funny a connection a daughter has to her mother when your faced with big life changes.

My partner and I were trying for about a year to get pregnant, we went to the doctors only a few months before falling pregnant and due to a medical problem (Polycystic Ovaries) we were told that IVF was looking to be our only option to get pregnant. Our doctor asked us if we wanted to be referred to start the process and we thought about it and said no, we were 26 years old and we thought we would tick some things off our bucket list and try again when we were 28. So off we went, planned all these wonderful things like buying a second house, booked a trip to the USA and I was on a mission to be as healthy as possible.

I am a HUGE Ashy Bines fan, so I signed up for her Bikini Body Challenge, about two weeks into the challenge I was finding that I was EXTREMELY tired and really wanted to eat spicy food. I didn't think much of it, I put the tiredness down to the fact that I work mainly night shift, I work 50-60 hours per week (by choice) and was pretty out of shape. It wasn't until a lady that I worked with made a comment to me, she said to me that the last two weeks I was always tired and it wasn't like me, I told her it was probably because of the training I was doing but she was persistent and finally said "Candice, I think you're pregnant." I laughed it off but in the back of my mind - for the first time ever - I had a feeling that I could have been.

A few days passed and I started noticing other little symptoms, I jumped on old faithful DR Google to find an online test I could do to tell me if I was pregnant (stupid I know, trust me I'm a nurse and would laugh at anyone who told me they did this, but hey! I wasn't really thinking straight!). I didn't want to tell my boyfriend because I didn't want to get his hopes up, so after 5 days of stewing on the fact that I could be pregnant, I went home to my mum and told her. Naturally she rushed me down to the nearest chemist and bought me a pregnancy test. I went home with mum, and took the test. I don't know how to explain it but the second I piddled on the stick I instantly knew I was pregnant. I put the test back in the box and went and sat down with mum for the LONGEST 3 minutes of my life!

Mum pottered around making dinner (how could she be so calm at a time like this?!) and then the time was up, mum stood next to me and I pulled the test back out of the box. I pulled it out the wrong way because I only saw the back of the test, but the front was facing my mum, within milliseconds she started screaming "Candice is pregnant!" I turned the test around and saw those magical two pink lines at the end - Pregnant. I cried and stood there in shock as my mum was screaming and squeezing the living day lights out of me. At the same instant I had this feeling deep in my heart that I was having a little girl. My dad and brother were home at the time and were looking at my mum and I like we were idiots - was this a joke? Mum had to explain to them (and to me again!) that I was pregnant. I was going to be a mum. I was going to have to go home and tell my boyfriend!

Out of all the stupid things I have done in my life, the decision to keep my dinner plans and go see my girlfriends was probably the stupidest of them all! I had to sit through a dinner that felt like years with the secret of my life. I have NO idea how I kept to it myself! I didn't blab and to all those who know me, know I am TERRIBLE at keeping my own secrets. I kept going white and shaking and my girlfriends (also nurses) kept asking me if I was sick, I had to lie - something I am not good at! I told them my anxiety was playing up and that I was on anti-biotics that were making me feel funny - I don't know how I pulled it off but I did. The dinner eventually ended and I drove the longest 20 minutes home to my boyfriend.

I knew he'd be asleep so I called him and told him to wake up, I had a present for him (well it was kind of true??). I got home and the shit head was still asleep, I turned on all the lights and told him to wake up. He wasn't impressed, he told me to give the present to him in the morning, he was knackered. How on EARTH was I going to wait this long?? No, he was going to find out that he was going to be a daddy now. I sat next to him and all of a sudden froze - what the hell am I going to say?? I told him I loved him and I gave him the pregnancy test. He didn't know what he was looking at at first, then he understood. He looked at me and asked, "Is this some sick April Fools Joke?" I laughed and said no. We both looked at each other, I'm sure the same thoughts were going through our head. Confusion, happiness, shock, denial, excitement. 

So that was about 24 weeks ago, turns out I was about 6 weeks pregnant. I am now 30 weeks pregnant and we have watched my belly grow each day! Such a wonderful experience. If I ever have the opportunity I'd love to know your story!

Candice x

Introduction

Hello to anyone who may be reading! 

My name is Candice and I am currently in my third trimester with my first baby! I'm a 27 year old nurse who is pretty ambitious and a hard worker. The idea around creating this blog is to create a space for other mothers who are facing the same challenges as myself, mainly the journey into motherhood and my want to still carry on with my career and be successful. I am someone who has always been an over sharer, someone who's not afraid to share their opinions and just generally likes to share my story. It may not interest many people but there I am on 1st January, 2016 at 11pm at night doing something that will make me happy. 

I have found since being pregnant that the expectation of society is for the mum to stay at home for the first 12 months of their babies life. Unfortunately this does not work for everyone and for many different reasons. Some families can't afford for mum to take that much time off and some people don't want to take that much time off. Both of these are valid reasons to be returning to work, however I am finding that a lot of people look at this negatively and go right ahead and tell the mother exactly there thoughts and opinions on the subject. As someone who has always been very ambitious, the thought of taking any time off work quite frankly scares the living day lights out of me. I am SO excited about being a mum, but my want to be successful and have my own business one day is still a fire that burns inside of me. Since being pregnant, the passion to do this has reached a new level. 

I am the eldest of 6 children, my parents own a successful business and have always taught all of us kids to work very hard and aim for great things in life. My parents are my main two professional role models, I am so proud of them. My parents started a business about 20 years ago, when they decided to do this, they gambled their life savings into a business venture that would either see them fail, or see them succeed. After many many years of sweat, tears, hard work and sacrifice, they have built a little empire. 

A different aspect of my home life is that my partner is very supportive of my dreams and he will be the main career for our baby once I decided to go back to full time work and embark on my new journey. People find this very odd but for us, it works. He has been at his job working night shift for almost 9 years now, he is 26 years old and still doesn't know what he wants to be when he grows up. But the one thing he has always wanted is a family, so we are breaking all the rules and creating our version of normal. He knows how much my career means to me and for him to support me in my journey to create something of myself (and something my family will be proud of) means more to me than I could ever explain. 

So the professional background of my story before I wrap things up; I have been nursing for almost 4 years now, I began my career in an Intensive Care Unit and I LOVED this environment but I realised after almost 3 years that there wasn't many career moves for me. I began to look into other types of nursing, particularly avenues of nursing that I could mix with business. I couldn't really find anything that would allow me to mix my two loves of business and nursing until one day I was sitting on the couch watching a reality dating show and one of the ladies trying to win the guys heart told the audience that she was "24 years old and a cosmetic nurse." My eyes lit up and I instantly picked up my phone and started googling "cosmetic nursing." I had never heard of this before but I am someone who loves Botox, Lip Fillers, Cosmetics etc. and I instantly knew this is where my future was. After a few google sessions and phone calls to an Academy regarding a course, I sat down with my boyfriend and talked over my new direction. It was a risk, especially with the course costing us a small fortune, but my amazing boyfriend just sat back and said "if this is going to make you happy and you're sure you want it, then go for it." That was all I needed and a week later I was enrolled into my Post Graduate degree in Cosmetic Nursing. Everything was great and I had a plan to be working in the Cosmetic industry already but I had fallen pregnant during my studies. Due to this the dream of starting in this industry was going to have to take a back seat for a period of time. I was SO happy I was pregnant and the delay in my new career wasn't an issue but it is also making me SO excited to get back to work and jump in head first to make something of myself in this industry. 

So there is a brief outline of my life, please follow me on my journey on being a first time parent and a working mumma!

Candice x