Monday, 4 January 2016

Am I Pregnant?

I've always loved hearing stories from my friends, colleagues or any other mothers about when they found out they were pregnant. Some mothers tell me that they just knew, some had no idea! It's amazing how different and exciting our stories are! I still am coming to terms with the fact that I now have my own story about this amazing discovery, and the crazy thing, I never thought I'd be sharing this moment with my mother rather than my boyfriend! But it's funny a connection a daughter has to her mother when your faced with big life changes.

My partner and I were trying for about a year to get pregnant, we went to the doctors only a few months before falling pregnant and due to a medical problem (Polycystic Ovaries) we were told that IVF was looking to be our only option to get pregnant. Our doctor asked us if we wanted to be referred to start the process and we thought about it and said no, we were 26 years old and we thought we would tick some things off our bucket list and try again when we were 28. So off we went, planned all these wonderful things like buying a second house, booked a trip to the USA and I was on a mission to be as healthy as possible.

I am a HUGE Ashy Bines fan, so I signed up for her Bikini Body Challenge, about two weeks into the challenge I was finding that I was EXTREMELY tired and really wanted to eat spicy food. I didn't think much of it, I put the tiredness down to the fact that I work mainly night shift, I work 50-60 hours per week (by choice) and was pretty out of shape. It wasn't until a lady that I worked with made a comment to me, she said to me that the last two weeks I was always tired and it wasn't like me, I told her it was probably because of the training I was doing but she was persistent and finally said "Candice, I think you're pregnant." I laughed it off but in the back of my mind - for the first time ever - I had a feeling that I could have been.

A few days passed and I started noticing other little symptoms, I jumped on old faithful DR Google to find an online test I could do to tell me if I was pregnant (stupid I know, trust me I'm a nurse and would laugh at anyone who told me they did this, but hey! I wasn't really thinking straight!). I didn't want to tell my boyfriend because I didn't want to get his hopes up, so after 5 days of stewing on the fact that I could be pregnant, I went home to my mum and told her. Naturally she rushed me down to the nearest chemist and bought me a pregnancy test. I went home with mum, and took the test. I don't know how to explain it but the second I piddled on the stick I instantly knew I was pregnant. I put the test back in the box and went and sat down with mum for the LONGEST 3 minutes of my life!

Mum pottered around making dinner (how could she be so calm at a time like this?!) and then the time was up, mum stood next to me and I pulled the test back out of the box. I pulled it out the wrong way because I only saw the back of the test, but the front was facing my mum, within milliseconds she started screaming "Candice is pregnant!" I turned the test around and saw those magical two pink lines at the end - Pregnant. I cried and stood there in shock as my mum was screaming and squeezing the living day lights out of me. At the same instant I had this feeling deep in my heart that I was having a little girl. My dad and brother were home at the time and were looking at my mum and I like we were idiots - was this a joke? Mum had to explain to them (and to me again!) that I was pregnant. I was going to be a mum. I was going to have to go home and tell my boyfriend!

Out of all the stupid things I have done in my life, the decision to keep my dinner plans and go see my girlfriends was probably the stupidest of them all! I had to sit through a dinner that felt like years with the secret of my life. I have NO idea how I kept to it myself! I didn't blab and to all those who know me, know I am TERRIBLE at keeping my own secrets. I kept going white and shaking and my girlfriends (also nurses) kept asking me if I was sick, I had to lie - something I am not good at! I told them my anxiety was playing up and that I was on anti-biotics that were making me feel funny - I don't know how I pulled it off but I did. The dinner eventually ended and I drove the longest 20 minutes home to my boyfriend.

I knew he'd be asleep so I called him and told him to wake up, I had a present for him (well it was kind of true??). I got home and the shit head was still asleep, I turned on all the lights and told him to wake up. He wasn't impressed, he told me to give the present to him in the morning, he was knackered. How on EARTH was I going to wait this long?? No, he was going to find out that he was going to be a daddy now. I sat next to him and all of a sudden froze - what the hell am I going to say?? I told him I loved him and I gave him the pregnancy test. He didn't know what he was looking at at first, then he understood. He looked at me and asked, "Is this some sick April Fools Joke?" I laughed and said no. We both looked at each other, I'm sure the same thoughts were going through our head. Confusion, happiness, shock, denial, excitement. 

So that was about 24 weeks ago, turns out I was about 6 weeks pregnant. I am now 30 weeks pregnant and we have watched my belly grow each day! Such a wonderful experience. If I ever have the opportunity I'd love to know your story!

Candice x

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